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When I finally grew my old highlights long enough to cut them out, I felt free and excited.<\/p>\n
As a teenager who desperately hated all aspects of my appearance that make me look \u2018other\u2019 \u2013 like dark thick hair \u2013 I\u2019d do what I could to mimic Caucasian ideals of beauty.<\/p>\n
Getting blonde and honey toned highlights was one of those things. It was expensive to maintain, not to mention the damage, and ultimately I was doing it for the wrong reasons \u2013 to look more attractive to men.<\/p>\n
Towards the end of my time at university, I decided I was fed up of hating my looks, and slowly began a \u2018fake it till you make it\u2019 attitude, telling myself that I liked my features \u2013 until one day, I could say it truthfully. <\/p>\n
It took months of self-love work, and it was a relief when I finally decided to embrace my natural deep brunette. (And actually liked what looked back at me in the mirror overall).<\/p>\n
While reaching for bleach is one way of trying to conform to a certain beauty ideal, for others that might look like relaxing Afro textured hair.<\/p>\n
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Patience Chigodora, 30, living in Nottingham and London, knows this only too well, having gone on her own hair journey.<\/p>\n
\u2018About six years ago, I made the decision to stop relaxing my hair,\u2019 she says.<\/p>\n
\u2018Growing up, my parents ignited the conforming to a Caucasian aesthetic by chemically relaxing my hair at a young age, intending to make it more \u201cmanageable.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2018When I moved to the UK and attended school with predominantly white children, I felt a growing insecurity about my coily textured hair. I wanted long, wavy hair that would fit into the mainstream beauty standards and draw less attention. <\/p>\n
Patience\u2019s natural hair would always \u2018become a topic of conversation at school\u2019, and would be criticised when wearing braided hairstyles with added highlights. <\/p>\n
Research in academic journal Sex Roles reads that \u2018Women of Colour are subject to unique pressures regarding their appearance due to racialised beauty standards and the pre-eminence of White features (e.g., skin tone and hair texture)\u2019, so it\u2019s no wonder these experiences of inadequacy around hair set in young.<\/p>\n
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Patience continued relaxing her hair until the age of 23, \u2018enduring discomfort and scalp burns from the chemical treatments\u2019. <\/p>\n
Inspired by friends who had gone natural, Patience decided it was time for her to as well.<\/p>\n
\u2018I realised that my hair was an integral part of my unique identity as a Black woman, and it was time to embrace it fully.<\/p>\n
\u2018I learned to appreciate the beauty of shrinkage, which I had disliked for so long, and take it as a sign of healthy hair. <\/p>\n
\u2018The chemicals had suppressed my natural curl and coil pattern, giving my hair an unnatural stiffness that didn\u2019t reflect my true self.<\/p>\n
\u2018Today, I proudly celebrate my beautiful natural 4a, 4b, and 4c combo curl and coil pattern, free from chemical treatments.\u2019<\/p>\n
Though there\u2019s nothing wrong in changing your hair for yourself \u2013 if I go blonde again, or Patience chooses to relax her hair again one day for the sake of trying a new style, that\u2019s okay \u2013 the reality is that for many people, the decision to emulate whiteness can be rooted in racialised, Caucasian beauty standards, consciously or not.<\/p>\n
\u2018Embracing my coily, textured hair has been an immensely liberating experience,\u2019 Patience adds. \u2018I\u2019ve learned to defy societal pressures that once sought to impose Eurocentric standards upon me.\u2019<\/p>\n
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Dr Roberta Babb, a HCPC registered clinical psychologist who specialises in racial issues, says it\u2019s never just a superficial issue \u2013 these beauty ideals, upheld by most, can have serious impacts on a personal mentally.<\/p>\n
\u2018The decision to change your hair to align with styles or colours typically associated with European hair may reflect a complex interplay of factors related to self-worth, identity, and perceptions of beauty,\u2019 she says.<\/p>\n
\u2018Some people may believe that conforming will increase their sense of their self-worth, make them more attractive or socially accepted. <\/p>\n
\u2018But it can also reflect the desire to belong and avoid potential discrimination or marginalisation.\u2019<\/p>\n
Of course, self expression is a valid reason for changing hair too, Dr Babb points out, but \u2018there can be unconscious elements at play in the decisions we make about our hair\u2019.<\/p>\n
After years of altering appearances, it can be empowering to go back to what\u2019s natural.<\/p>\n
\u2018It can be a transformative experience as it represents a shift in the relationship a person has with themselves and their intersectional identity, self-worth and perceptions of beauty,\u2019 Dr Babb explains.<\/p>\n
\u2018Embracing your natural hair can signify a significant step in the personal journey toward self-acceptance. It can be a powerful visual statement that assert\u2019s pride in one\u2019s heritage.\u2019<\/p>\n
As a result, a person might find their confidence grows.<\/p>\n
How we style and wear our hair can tell us more about a person\u2019s self-worth than we think.<\/p>\n
And me? I love my thick and dark hair now \u2013 bleach doesn\u2019t come near it.<\/p>\n